ARTICLE

24 'Split' Personalities of Singaporeans

By Freddy / 18 Jan 2017 (Wednesday)

In ‘Split’, Kevin (James McAvoy) is a man with 23 different personalities. One of them kidnapped three teenage girls, as the 24th personality, The Beast, emerges. Some of his personalities include a fashion designer, a 9-year-old boy, and even a lady called Patricia.

What if Kevin is a Singaporean? What kind of personalities would he probably possess?

1. Tiger Mom
Love her or hate her, Tiger Mom’s parenting style is often a controversial topic. But when 97 marks is not good enough for students to take Higher Chinese, you know why she exists.

2. Lobang King/Queen
Going out with her is a joy. She knows which places have discounts, one-for-one, or online coupons. Her Facebook wall is probably full of such deals.

3. Late Friend
“I’m on the way,” he said an hour ago. This is not the first time.

4. Designated Driver
He is the only one in the group who has a car. He often feels obliged to send everyone home after outings, even when he is reluctant.

5. “Gahment” Hater
He thinks everything is the gahment’s fault. But he will vote for them again next election.

6. Law-abiding Citizen
He will remind you not to eat or drink inside the bus. He always stands behind the yellow line in MRTs, and let everyone out before entering the train. He will not cross the road before the little green man appears, even when there are no cars in sight. He seems to believe that the government is always watching. Maybe he’s not wrong.

7. STOMP-er
She has STOMP-ed more people than Godzilla. She enjoys being righteous and collecting extra allowance.

8. Closet Mugger
He seems like he is always slacking in school. He does not always pay attention in class. He said he did not study for this exam. He is also the top student in your class.

9. Fitness Freak
She is the impersonation of our New Year resolutions. She eats healthily; she exercises; she sleeps early. We wonder how she does it all.

10. Food Hunter
Most Singaporeans are foodies, but she is not content with just eating. She is adventurous, always on the lookout for new eateries and will not hesitate to join the queue for the latest food trend.

11. Kopitiam Uncle
He chatters loudly with his friends as he sips his kopi and discuss conspiracy theories.

12. Keyboard Warrior
He loves starting fights with strangers on the internet, behind the safety of the computer. He likes to lay baits by criticizing other people’s opinions or making purposefully controversial comments.

Halfway there! Just a dozen more to go!

13. Instagram Queen
She would take photos during every outing. She would take photos of everyone’s food before they start eating. If you did something but it was not on social media, did it really happen?

14. Stressed Student
Higher Chinese, PSLE, O’Level. There is always something to be stressed about. He dreams of seeing his face on the bus stop ads for chicken essence products, but some dreams are unattainable.

15. The Traveller
A scroll through her Instagram account shows that she seems just went to Gold Coast, Chiang Mai, Hokkaido, and Maldives . How many leave days does she have?

16. Sleep-deprived Worker
Part of over 40% of local adults who do not have enough sleep. He does not always have a choice.

17. Nosy Relative
We might meet her this Chinese New Year. She makes you feel like a celebrity with her interview questions about your career, love life, and just every other aspect of your life.

18. Trendsetter
She was the first to get a fitness band, ride an e-scooter, or buy the new iPhone. She always has to be first.

19. Blur Sotong
“Ayam penyet,” he answered, when asked what time he will go home later.

20. 4D Regular
He can be found more often in Singapore Pools than in swimming pools.

21. Self-important Customer
'Customer is king' and he is the king of customers. The Doctor must serve him first although everyone else is sick.

22. Erratic Driver
He might drive in the opposite direction. Nobody knows why.

23. Ah Beng
His fashion and hairstyle are unmistakable. But don’t mess with him, his gang might ambush you.

24. The Beast: Yishun Cat Killer
As unpleasant as it is, there is no denying that they are around.

It is hard to imagine 24 personalities being in one body, but it is fascinating how these 24 personalities (and many more) being in one little city-state. Did you recognise some of them in yourself or your friends?

‘Split’ opens in theatres 19 January 2017.

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24 'Split' Personalities of Singaporeans